I can't believe I'm both back to blog and that I've been gone for so long. I never thought I'd stop blogging but it's been a good 6 1/2 months since I've taken the time to write here. So goes life, I suppose. Life has left me physically and emotionally tired the last several months. There's been such a heavy cloud of grief surrounding some of my most loved ones who are close, both geographically and emotionally to me. I actually wrote about that exact topic about a year ago, before it went from bad to worse. Little did I know I would continue to watch friends suffer infertility, lose more babies, and then most heartbreaking of all, watch my cousin and his wife, my dear family and friends, lose their 3 year old to brain cancer in a matter of six months. I don't know if that's why I've stopped blogging or if I'm just too freaking tired at the end of each day to think real coherent thoughts and then actually record them. Regardless, tonight felt like the right time to reappear in the blogging world.
Tonight I'm celebrating survival. You see, we got our first placement though the Safe Families for Children program last Thursday night. Around 10 pm that night, I picked up a 14 month old girl who will be living with us for the next three months. I knew nothing about this child before bringing her into our home. I didn't know her temperament, her likes or dislikes, her routines, where she came from, what her life has been like, if she could crawl, walk, talk, eat solid food...nothing. All I knew was there was somewhat of an emergency situation and that this baby girl needed a home NOW. So, we said yes. And tonight I'm celebrating that we've made it through our first five days and nights. I'm also celebrating that I made it through my first day and night solo with all four kids, since Justin is out of town ALL week for work. (Awesome timing, Lord! Thanks!)
Getting to where we are right now, with an extra kiddo in our care for some time, has been one small step of awareness and obedience after another. Years ago I heard a speaker from the Perspectives course share that the number one way to fight child trafficking in the US is to foster and adopt children out of foster care. That has stayed with me, in the back of my mind, for years. About a year after that, I first heard about Safe Families through my brother and sister-in-law. Another year or two after that, I met a few families in our area who are a part of the program. Several months after that, our church shared that they were holding an informational meeting about Safe Families. Justin and I looked at each other after reading that in the bulletin and both said, "Lets go. Just to check it out." So we went to the meeting. At the meeting, we heard about an upcoming training at our church. We decided to go to that, too. Just in case. We went to the training. As I heard the founder of the program explaining why he started it and the purpose of it (to keep kids out of the foster system and prevent abuse before it occurs), I couldn't hold back the tears. We heard story after story that day and my eyes were filled with tears over and over again. What seems so simple and easy for us has the opportunity to be life changing for another family. I stay home and raise children anyway... why can't we take in another for awhile? We have leftovers every night at dinner...why can't I feed just one more? We have a house with extra space... why can't we fit just one more? Yes, it's a sacrifice: four kids is harder than three. My children now have to share me. Yes, it's a risk: A new child changes family dynamics. My children could potentially learn unwanted behaviors. We have to spend our own money buying clothes, diapers, and meeting this child's needs. I'm not romanticizing or ignoring that. But to us, it's also so simple. Following Jesus requires sacrifice and risk. Doing what we already do - raise children, make meals, clean up meals, do laundry, offer love and protection - but still having the opportunity to make sacrifices seems like the right thing for our family, as we continue learning how to follow Jesus.
I can hardly talk about this without crying. It just feels so right. And that's an amazing gift to know you are right where you need to be, doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing.
So now I'm going to sit back with my glass of wine and celebrate that God wants to redeem families and keep them together and that we get to be the teeniest, tiniest part of that story.
This is an excellent 2 minute overview of the program by Dave Anderson, the founder. If you aren't familiar with it, please watch!
Showing posts with label following Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label following Jesus. Show all posts
Monday, December 7, 2015
Thursday, May 22, 2014
On comfort and reflection
I am sitting in a quiet home, surrounded by boxes and messes and disarray, sipping on a glass of wine, and relaxing after a LONG day. Justin has been in training for the past two weeks, which means 12 hour days for him. Today, after his 12 hour day he had a work dinner, which makes it a 15 hour day. That means today was a day of 3 meals and bedtime all on my own.. not my favorite. But, instead of packing (which is what I really should be doing), I decided to take advantage of the silence and read a few old entries on my blog. Oh.my.word. I just read this entry I wrote 10 months ago. 10 months ago, I was so sad. I was so lonely. And I was missing home like crazy. I was craving community and feeling known. But I was choosing to focus on the small blessings I could see in front of me and believing that God was doing something amidst the hard.
Can I tell you about my day today? I dropped Claire off at preschool and went to the YMCA. My kids were loved on in the world class childcare they offer and I took one of my favorite classes where I got to focus on me and only me for one precious hour. While at the Y, we ran into one of my favorite friends, who also happens to be a neighbor. She and her kiddos came over after that for an impromptu popsicle date. After naps/rest time, she came back over along with two of our other neighbors and their kids. The four mamas sat on the deck and chatted as best as 4 mamas with 10 kids can. ;) While they were here, we discovered that both me and one other mama were doing dinner on our own, since both of our hubbies had work commitments. So she decided to stay for dinner. They helped us clean and then headed home for bed. I put my kids to bed, cleaned the kitchen, and melted into the couch, exhausted from my busy and full day. And you know what? It was glorious. My day had been filled with real, genuine, authentic friends. I pulled up my blog and read that old blog post and tears streamed down my face. I realized that God was absolutely doing something in the midst of the hard I was going through last summer. I am so thankful for the community He provided here. I am known. It feels so good. And... now, we're off on our next adventure. Some days, like today, I'm like, "Really God? You are doing this to us again??" We are finally comfortable again. 10 months ago, I wrote this:
We are out of our comfort zone. Eww... this one is a love/hate. I kinda hate being out of my comfort zone and being stretched. But I also know that allows God to work. And I want to be grow and learn and apparently I'm not good at that when I'm comfortable. Love/hate.
And then I think about the day I had today and realize how thankful I am that He stretched us and moved us out of our comfort zone. If we had resisted, we would have missed out on so much. So, here we go again! It's crazy. But because I know He provides so well, I am excited to see what new thing will spring forth in this next season of life. He.is.so.insanely.good.
Can I tell you about my day today? I dropped Claire off at preschool and went to the YMCA. My kids were loved on in the world class childcare they offer and I took one of my favorite classes where I got to focus on me and only me for one precious hour. While at the Y, we ran into one of my favorite friends, who also happens to be a neighbor. She and her kiddos came over after that for an impromptu popsicle date. After naps/rest time, she came back over along with two of our other neighbors and their kids. The four mamas sat on the deck and chatted as best as 4 mamas with 10 kids can. ;) While they were here, we discovered that both me and one other mama were doing dinner on our own, since both of our hubbies had work commitments. So she decided to stay for dinner. They helped us clean and then headed home for bed. I put my kids to bed, cleaned the kitchen, and melted into the couch, exhausted from my busy and full day. And you know what? It was glorious. My day had been filled with real, genuine, authentic friends. I pulled up my blog and read that old blog post and tears streamed down my face. I realized that God was absolutely doing something in the midst of the hard I was going through last summer. I am so thankful for the community He provided here. I am known. It feels so good. And... now, we're off on our next adventure. Some days, like today, I'm like, "Really God? You are doing this to us again??" We are finally comfortable again. 10 months ago, I wrote this:
We are out of our comfort zone. Eww... this one is a love/hate. I kinda hate being out of my comfort zone and being stretched. But I also know that allows God to work. And I want to be grow and learn and apparently I'm not good at that when I'm comfortable. Love/hate.
And then I think about the day I had today and realize how thankful I am that He stretched us and moved us out of our comfort zone. If we had resisted, we would have missed out on so much. So, here we go again! It's crazy. But because I know He provides so well, I am excited to see what new thing will spring forth in this next season of life. He.is.so.insanely.good.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Goodbyes
The goodbyes have official started. Last week I had coffee with a good friend to both catch up and say goodbye. Saturday night we had dinner to say goodbye to two families that have been so special to us over these two years.
Yesterday was our last Sunday at church. Our pastor prayed for us and we got more hugs and congratulations than we could count. Of course there is no perfect church but this group of people became like family to us, which is what we needed during this season of living so far away.
On Friday night, our neighbor insisted we go out on a date while she watched the kids. It didn't take much convincing... ;) While we were out, a transformer blew in our 'hood and almost everyone lost power except our house. So it turned out to be a party at our house while we were gone. The girls loved it! This neighborhood and the people here are truly something special.
It pains me to think of all we are giving up to make this move. I know we have a lot to gain in this move but right now I'm focused on what we are leaving. It is painful but truly it just highlights how many amazing relationships we've been able to enjoy over these two years. I always dreamed of living in a neighborhood like this and what a blessing it has been to get to experience that, even if just for one year! Our church and small group have been such sweet experiences and my life is richer from knowing these people. I have been challenged, encouraged, cared for, thought of, loved on, and blessed by my friends here. I am so thankful for these two years. They haven't always been easy but looking back on them, they have been good.
Isn't that just the truth though? Things don't have to always be easy. And, honestly, I think it's easier to see God show up when we are being challenged. It's so much more obvious. Reflecting on our time here, I can honestly say I am thankful for the way God challenged us by moving us here. He has proven that He will provide what we need, when we need it. He doesn't answer on our timeline and sometimes He leads us in a way that we don't understand. But, even when it's hard, even when it's confusing, even when it's painful, it's always good. Because He is good.
The last time we moved away from Atlanta, I couldn't get out quick enough. I hated living here last time. I never wanted to see this place again. But this time, I am sad to leave this place. I love it here. I really do. And I think it's cool that God redeemed the ATL in my mind. When I leave here in 11 days, it will be with sweet, sweet memories. And maybe even a tear in my eye.
Yesterday was our last Sunday at church. Our pastor prayed for us and we got more hugs and congratulations than we could count. Of course there is no perfect church but this group of people became like family to us, which is what we needed during this season of living so far away.
On Friday night, our neighbor insisted we go out on a date while she watched the kids. It didn't take much convincing... ;) While we were out, a transformer blew in our 'hood and almost everyone lost power except our house. So it turned out to be a party at our house while we were gone. The girls loved it! This neighborhood and the people here are truly something special.
It pains me to think of all we are giving up to make this move. I know we have a lot to gain in this move but right now I'm focused on what we are leaving. It is painful but truly it just highlights how many amazing relationships we've been able to enjoy over these two years. I always dreamed of living in a neighborhood like this and what a blessing it has been to get to experience that, even if just for one year! Our church and small group have been such sweet experiences and my life is richer from knowing these people. I have been challenged, encouraged, cared for, thought of, loved on, and blessed by my friends here. I am so thankful for these two years. They haven't always been easy but looking back on them, they have been good.
Isn't that just the truth though? Things don't have to always be easy. And, honestly, I think it's easier to see God show up when we are being challenged. It's so much more obvious. Reflecting on our time here, I can honestly say I am thankful for the way God challenged us by moving us here. He has proven that He will provide what we need, when we need it. He doesn't answer on our timeline and sometimes He leads us in a way that we don't understand. But, even when it's hard, even when it's confusing, even when it's painful, it's always good. Because He is good.
The last time we moved away from Atlanta, I couldn't get out quick enough. I hated living here last time. I never wanted to see this place again. But this time, I am sad to leave this place. I love it here. I really do. And I think it's cool that God redeemed the ATL in my mind. When I leave here in 11 days, it will be with sweet, sweet memories. And maybe even a tear in my eye.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Let's give 'em something to talk about
Well folks, it's time to spill the beans. The crazy, unexpected, smack-you-in-the-face beans. I'm sure, given our track record, even though it's super surprising, it's not really that surprising. We.are.moving.again. This time to Chicago. I'll just go ahead and address the thoughts I'm sure you are having...
No, this is not a joke!
Yes, we did JUST buy a house one year ago!
Yes, we thought this move to Atlanta would be much more long term!
No, we weren't looking for a new job!
Yes, we are crazy to be moving back to the land of frozen tundra!
Yes, we were just starting to LOVE living here!
No, we haven't even unpacked every box!
Yes, the Lord loves to teach our family flexibility!
Yes, it is truly bittersweet!
So, the story goes like this... Justin wasn't looking for a new job but was approached by one of the directors at his company about a month ago. The conversation went something like this, "Hey, Justin.. do you and Annie have any desire to move back to the Midwest? The district manger of the Chicago territory just resigned, so if you want the job, it's yours!"
When Justin came home from work that day and told me, we both decided - no way! We just bought our house, we like it here, and if we can't get back to Iowa, why bother? Fast forward a few days to the next conversation that went something like this, "Hey Justin, you do realize that the company would pay realtor fees on the sale of your house and relocate you, right?"
When Justin came home from work and told me THAT, we were both like... whoa! How can we pass this up? Even though I am sickened at the thought of starting life over once again (it's like a sick joke), we just couldn't say no. The chance for Justin to take this promotion, the fact that moving expenses are covered, and the chance to be close to family again... impossible to pass that up! And, to be honest, we really feel like this is God's next step for our family. Why He keeps uprooting us over and over again after we work so hard developing relationships and attempting to put roots down, I just don't understand. He's doing something, I know that. But, y'all, it's painful. It is so painful to keep investing investing investing only to be torn away. I love our home and I adore our sweet little neighborhood. I have made the most amazing friends. I have put so much energy into putting roots down here. It really pains me to dig those up. But the truth is, we need to go where He is calling. Despite how painful it is. My friend reminded me yesterday that God's kingdom is everywhere and moving will not take us away from God's work... it will just bring us into a different area of the Kingdom where He is already at work. I'm excited to find out what this next season will look like. But that doesn't make it any less painful. The good news is these two years in Atlanta are PROOF that God provides. I never thought I would grow to love Atlanta. But I do. I never thought we would find 'our' people here. But we did. I never thought we could find genuine community in such a huge area. But we have. And, even though it's painful to leave that, it's just evidence of God's faithfulness to provide.
So, our house is going on the market today, Justin has officially accepted the offer, and soon we'll be packing up our life and embarking on our next adventure. It's so insane. You can't make this stuff up.
No, this is not a joke!
Yes, we did JUST buy a house one year ago!
Yes, we thought this move to Atlanta would be much more long term!
No, we weren't looking for a new job!
Yes, we are crazy to be moving back to the land of frozen tundra!
Yes, we were just starting to LOVE living here!
No, we haven't even unpacked every box!
Yes, the Lord loves to teach our family flexibility!
Yes, it is truly bittersweet!
So, the story goes like this... Justin wasn't looking for a new job but was approached by one of the directors at his company about a month ago. The conversation went something like this, "Hey, Justin.. do you and Annie have any desire to move back to the Midwest? The district manger of the Chicago territory just resigned, so if you want the job, it's yours!"
When Justin came home from work that day and told me, we both decided - no way! We just bought our house, we like it here, and if we can't get back to Iowa, why bother? Fast forward a few days to the next conversation that went something like this, "Hey Justin, you do realize that the company would pay realtor fees on the sale of your house and relocate you, right?"
When Justin came home from work and told me THAT, we were both like... whoa! How can we pass this up? Even though I am sickened at the thought of starting life over once again (it's like a sick joke), we just couldn't say no. The chance for Justin to take this promotion, the fact that moving expenses are covered, and the chance to be close to family again... impossible to pass that up! And, to be honest, we really feel like this is God's next step for our family. Why He keeps uprooting us over and over again after we work so hard developing relationships and attempting to put roots down, I just don't understand. He's doing something, I know that. But, y'all, it's painful. It is so painful to keep investing investing investing only to be torn away. I love our home and I adore our sweet little neighborhood. I have made the most amazing friends. I have put so much energy into putting roots down here. It really pains me to dig those up. But the truth is, we need to go where He is calling. Despite how painful it is. My friend reminded me yesterday that God's kingdom is everywhere and moving will not take us away from God's work... it will just bring us into a different area of the Kingdom where He is already at work. I'm excited to find out what this next season will look like. But that doesn't make it any less painful. The good news is these two years in Atlanta are PROOF that God provides. I never thought I would grow to love Atlanta. But I do. I never thought we would find 'our' people here. But we did. I never thought we could find genuine community in such a huge area. But we have. And, even though it's painful to leave that, it's just evidence of God's faithfulness to provide.
So, our house is going on the market today, Justin has officially accepted the offer, and soon we'll be packing up our life and embarking on our next adventure. It's so insane. You can't make this stuff up.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Adoption is beautiful
It has been an amazing blessing to follow my friend Stacy and her family along on their adoption journey. They brought their sweet, easy-going, and adorable 3 1/2 year old son Noah home from China about a month ago. The first time we saw them I just couldn't hold back the tears. Just such an amazing picture of the way God loves and adopts us into his family. It was beautiful to see Noah calling for his mama, stroking her hair, sitting on her lap, playing with her necklace, finding comfort in her arms when he got hurt. Just.so.beautiful.
Today was our first time really getting to play together. It was amazing. So thankful for people like Stacy and Luke... who encourage me to follow Jesus through their obedience to Him.
We were expecting these two boys to arrive into our families around the same time. Miraculous to see them here, together, healthy. God is so faithful.
Today was our first time really getting to play together. It was amazing. So thankful for people like Stacy and Luke... who encourage me to follow Jesus through their obedience to Him.
We were expecting these two boys to arrive into our families around the same time. Miraculous to see them here, together, healthy. God is so faithful.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Lent 2014
Lent was not something I grew up participating in. I had many Catholic friends and most of them would give up something during the Lenten season each year. Because my Catholic friends did it and we didn't, I assumed it was a 'Catholic' thing. On the contrary, it's a Jesus thing. I'm excited to be participating for the first time this year.
I watched this video recently and loved learning about how World Relief started. World Relief is the organization that helped bring our Iraqi friends here from a refugee camp in Lebanon. Before watching, I had already decided to give up Facebook during Lent this year.. because truly, I spend way too much time on Facebook. But, after watching this, Justin and I decided to also choose to give up something that would allow us to free up resources... just like the people in that Boston church did. What an awesome way to observe Lent... to give up something that will allow us to focus more on Christ but then to use the resources from what we gave up to do something meaningful. Those people were brilliant! We will be fasting from lunch each Sunday and using that money that we would have spent going out to lunch and donating it to World Relief. I'm truly excited to, in a very, very minor way, disadvantage ourselves for a greater purpose.
I'm hoping that the break from Facebook allows for more quiet space in my life.. to both talk with God and hear from Him.
Curious to hear from y'all.. do you observe Lent? Are you giving up anything this year?
Friday, February 21, 2014
Sip & See for Char!
My sweet friends hosted a sip and see to welcome Charlie James to the world! It was so sweet and thoughtful and I loved every minute.
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| Charlie got dressed up for the occasion! |
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| Love this little man! |
Everything was adorable and I could tell so much thought went into it! They used the nursery colors (yellow & gray) and added in some blue. I didn't get pictures of all the cute decor (doh!) but believe me.. it was adorable!
They had mimosas, sparking juice, coffee, a yummy breakfast casserole, cinnamon rolls, fruit, grits (true sign of a Southern party!). Everything was delicious and perfect.
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| These lovely ladies put it all together! |
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| Most of the group. Unfortunately two people are missing in this picture.. we didn't get a shot of everyone. :( |
Charlie got some adorable clothes, diapers, a couple of toys, and some gift cards. Everyone was so generous!
I loved the food, the decorations, and the gifts, but to be honest, the best part of the day was sitting in a room full of women whom I love and that love us. It was a total kairos moment. I kept thinking about how two years ago, we were leaving a solid community of friends and family. I had no idea what was ahead. What God had for us. Why He was moving us 14 hours away. But, almost two years later, I was sitting in a room full of women who were there for me. I felt so overwhelmed with thanksgiving. When we left Iowa, I didn't know if I'd make any new friends and, even if I did, if they would be true real friends. I'm happy to report that, like He ALWAYS does, God provided. It's amazing to think of how much richer life is when we are stretched, forced outside of our comfort zone, and when we have to believe that He will provide. And that He is enough.
Thank you, dear friends, for hosting this for us. It is such a sweet memory.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
On schooling and parenting
Parenting is so hard. I'm realizing that it never really gets easier either. It just changes and the things that used to be hard get easier but then new hard things replace those. Those of you who knew Claire as a two year old know that she was hard two year old. She was so strong-willed and so challenging. There were so many frustrating moments but by the grace of God, Justin and I persevered and finally came out on the other side. For the most part, she is so easy now. God has cultivated such a kind, loving, generous spirit within her and most of the time, that's what we see with her. Don't get me wrong, she's a wretched sinner like the rest of us. I'm not saying she's perfect by any means. I'm just saying she is so kind and such a good friend and I have seen so much growth in her. It's encouraging.
Enter preschool. Claire loves school. She delights in loving her teachers, making new friends, learning new songs and poems, and sharing her school work with us. I have loved watching her find such joy in going to school. As a former lover of school and teacher myself, it does my heart good to see her so happy. We have always planned to send her off to kindergarten when the time came and years ago, I even looked forward to the day! As this day draws nearer and nearer, my heart has begun to ache with the thought of sending her to school every day, all day. She just seems so young and little and I just don't feel ready for this transition. Justin and I always been pro public school.. I mean, we both taught in the public schools for crying out loud! That conviction has become a bit blurry as the time draws closer for me to send my baby off to school.
Then, this happened. A few weeks ago, as we were driving somewhere as a family, Claire casually told us that some girls from another class were laughing at her winter hat and told her it looked weird. My heart sank and Justin and I looked at each other with such sadness. Claire was kind of laughing about it and didn't seem to think much of it, so we didn't make a big deal about it. Fast forward to this morning... as we were getting coats on, I handed Claire her hat and asked her to put it on, since it was chilly here this morning. She started crying and said, "I am never wearing that hat again. Those girls made fun of me for wearing it." Oh, my breaking heart. I stopped and hugged my sweet girl. I told her that I loved her and she didn't have to wear it if she didn't want to. We also talked about how much Jesus loves her and that even though those girls were not being kind, she still needs to be kind to them. We prayed together for those girls and asked Jesus to help Claire be kind all the time and share the love of Christ with those girls. We both had tears streaming down our faces and held each other tight for awhile after we prayed.
My mind has been racing with thoughts and emotions this morning: Sadness that Claire, at age five, has already experienced the brutal reality of living in this fallen world. Aching for Christ's return to come and make all things new again. An instinct to want to protect her from the world and mean girls. The realization that I cannot protect her. Pleading with God to protect Claire from experiences like this one. Surrendering to the reality that these situations will develop her character and hopefully allow her to put her faith, trust, and hope in Christ alone. Deciding I can't send her to kindergarten. Remembering I don't want to home school. Deciding to send her to private school. Remembering it's expensive. Frantically texting Justin. In short: I'm freaking out. Parenting.is.so.hard. Making these big life decisions is so hard. I've decided to commit to praying about this with Justin and truly seek God's direction. When it comes to schooling my children, I've always thought I knew what we wanted for them and what was best, but I've realized that we've never really sought God's lead on that. So, we are going to change that and pray for direction, guidance, and peace as we look for God to direct us.
I know this is not the last time we'll be faced with a situation like this, regardless of how we decide to educate our children. My hope and prayer is that God uses all things, little and big, for His glory and to develop character in us and our children.
Enter preschool. Claire loves school. She delights in loving her teachers, making new friends, learning new songs and poems, and sharing her school work with us. I have loved watching her find such joy in going to school. As a former lover of school and teacher myself, it does my heart good to see her so happy. We have always planned to send her off to kindergarten when the time came and years ago, I even looked forward to the day! As this day draws nearer and nearer, my heart has begun to ache with the thought of sending her to school every day, all day. She just seems so young and little and I just don't feel ready for this transition. Justin and I always been pro public school.. I mean, we both taught in the public schools for crying out loud! That conviction has become a bit blurry as the time draws closer for me to send my baby off to school.
Then, this happened. A few weeks ago, as we were driving somewhere as a family, Claire casually told us that some girls from another class were laughing at her winter hat and told her it looked weird. My heart sank and Justin and I looked at each other with such sadness. Claire was kind of laughing about it and didn't seem to think much of it, so we didn't make a big deal about it. Fast forward to this morning... as we were getting coats on, I handed Claire her hat and asked her to put it on, since it was chilly here this morning. She started crying and said, "I am never wearing that hat again. Those girls made fun of me for wearing it." Oh, my breaking heart. I stopped and hugged my sweet girl. I told her that I loved her and she didn't have to wear it if she didn't want to. We also talked about how much Jesus loves her and that even though those girls were not being kind, she still needs to be kind to them. We prayed together for those girls and asked Jesus to help Claire be kind all the time and share the love of Christ with those girls. We both had tears streaming down our faces and held each other tight for awhile after we prayed.
My mind has been racing with thoughts and emotions this morning: Sadness that Claire, at age five, has already experienced the brutal reality of living in this fallen world. Aching for Christ's return to come and make all things new again. An instinct to want to protect her from the world and mean girls. The realization that I cannot protect her. Pleading with God to protect Claire from experiences like this one. Surrendering to the reality that these situations will develop her character and hopefully allow her to put her faith, trust, and hope in Christ alone. Deciding I can't send her to kindergarten. Remembering I don't want to home school. Deciding to send her to private school. Remembering it's expensive. Frantically texting Justin. In short: I'm freaking out. Parenting.is.so.hard. Making these big life decisions is so hard. I've decided to commit to praying about this with Justin and truly seek God's direction. When it comes to schooling my children, I've always thought I knew what we wanted for them and what was best, but I've realized that we've never really sought God's lead on that. So, we are going to change that and pray for direction, guidance, and peace as we look for God to direct us.
I know this is not the last time we'll be faced with a situation like this, regardless of how we decide to educate our children. My hope and prayer is that God uses all things, little and big, for His glory and to develop character in us and our children.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Changing Seasons
I love living in a climate that experiences the changing of seasons. Just when we are totally over the cold or the heat... the temperature changes and you get a reprieve. We are on the very front end of my most favorite season change.. summer to fall. I love everything about fall and I love that I live in a place that has a super long fall season. I feel more energized each morning with the cooler temperatures. Just when I felt like I couldn't stand the heat of summer one more day, the weather began to change, cooler temperatures set in, and I felt like I could let out a big sigh of relief. (This is especially true this year as summer is super rough in the world of a preggo.)
I also love that life is full of season changes. I feel like just as the seasons are changing, I'm in the midst of a season change in my life. The spring and summer were rough for me. I was in a lonely place and blogged some about it here. I thought constantly about what my life in Iowa was like versus what my life in Georgia was like. I couldn't help but feel like my new life here would just never measure up. Lately, though, God has been so gracious in providing some hope in terms of new friendships and community. He certainly didn't have to but He chose to answer my prayers for some real, authentic friendships and community. And for that I am so thankful. This rough season reminded me that I cannot rely on my circumstances to bring me joy and contentment and I realized just how much I do that. There is no other way but to find joy through following Jesus, regardless of what that looks like during any particular season. I have so much to learn.
These season changes remind me of these verses from Lamentations 3:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion therefore I will wait for Him.'
So thankful, today, for God's great love, compassion, and faithfulness.
I also love that life is full of season changes. I feel like just as the seasons are changing, I'm in the midst of a season change in my life. The spring and summer were rough for me. I was in a lonely place and blogged some about it here. I thought constantly about what my life in Iowa was like versus what my life in Georgia was like. I couldn't help but feel like my new life here would just never measure up. Lately, though, God has been so gracious in providing some hope in terms of new friendships and community. He certainly didn't have to but He chose to answer my prayers for some real, authentic friendships and community. And for that I am so thankful. This rough season reminded me that I cannot rely on my circumstances to bring me joy and contentment and I realized just how much I do that. There is no other way but to find joy through following Jesus, regardless of what that looks like during any particular season. I have so much to learn.
These season changes remind me of these verses from Lamentations 3:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion therefore I will wait for Him.'
So thankful, today, for God's great love, compassion, and faithfulness.
Friday, September 13, 2013
When in the South
Most of the time, I forget that I live in the South. Having lived in the Midwest for 27 of my 31 years, I'm definitely a Midwestern girl. Atlanta, though, is somewhat of a melting pot. There are so many transplants living here so in a lot of ways, it doesn't seem very 'Southern' to me. (I say that because I lived in a very Southern city for two years and Atlanta is not like that city at all!) Every once in awhile, though, I have an experience that reminds me that I'm not in Kansas the Midwest anymore. I had one of those this past week.
After going through some months of loneliness here, God put it on my heart to get involved with Bible Study Fellowship. I had heard great things about this worldwide organization before and realized this would be a great way to get fed on God's word and be in fellowship with other women. After contacting the coordinator of a local class and making the decision to start this fall, I found out a couple of girls from my church were doing it and also convinced a couple of my neighbors to do it with me, too! This past week was our first meeting and I was super pumped. (Side note: the first meeting blew me away and now I am even more excited about studying the book of Matthew this year!) I eagerly showed up in my cut off jean shorts and a casual tshirt ready to get started. As I looked around the room full of 200 women, I realized I grossly underestimated my choice of outfit. Everyone was dressed to the nines.. think dresses, skirts, pantyhose, cardigans, and tons of jewelry. SHOOT!! I didn't realize you have to dress up for a weekday morning Bible study! Welcome to the South, y'all! I honestly did not find even one other pair of jean shorts in the entire room. Mine were the lone pair. I reminded my friends I was sitting with that they need to keep this Midwestern girl in check and let me know the rules of life in the South.
You better believe I'll be pulling out mybest only maternity dress next week.
After going through some months of loneliness here, God put it on my heart to get involved with Bible Study Fellowship. I had heard great things about this worldwide organization before and realized this would be a great way to get fed on God's word and be in fellowship with other women. After contacting the coordinator of a local class and making the decision to start this fall, I found out a couple of girls from my church were doing it and also convinced a couple of my neighbors to do it with me, too! This past week was our first meeting and I was super pumped. (Side note: the first meeting blew me away and now I am even more excited about studying the book of Matthew this year!) I eagerly showed up in my cut off jean shorts and a casual tshirt ready to get started. As I looked around the room full of 200 women, I realized I grossly underestimated my choice of outfit. Everyone was dressed to the nines.. think dresses, skirts, pantyhose, cardigans, and tons of jewelry. SHOOT!! I didn't realize you have to dress up for a weekday morning Bible study! Welcome to the South, y'all! I honestly did not find even one other pair of jean shorts in the entire room. Mine were the lone pair. I reminded my friends I was sitting with that they need to keep this Midwestern girl in check and let me know the rules of life in the South.
You better believe I'll be pulling out my
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Rivers in the desert
In the midst of sadness and loneliness and missing home, I decided to change my focus today and take this truth to heart:
Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new. Now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18,19
I have been so guilty lately of pondering things of the past. I am constantly thinking about what my life was like in Iowa City and comparing it to my life here. Life here just comes up short. And of course it does... we have only been here a year and community and friendships and feeling connected all take time. So comparing just isn't fair.
Today, God brought to mind some ways He has shown his loving kindness to us over the past year.
*My girls have been so healthy this past year. Not one time in the last 15 months have I taken either one of them to the doctor for illness. Not even once! That is SO unbelievable to me after how sick they both used to be all.the.time.
*We already know many of our neighbors. We have only lived in this house for four months but we've already gotten to know several families in this short time. We could have moved to any neighborhood, but in His great wisdom, God brought us here.. to a sweet neighborhood with lots of young friendly families.
*Justin loves his job. In our (almost) ten years of marriage, he has done so many different things and has never really loved any of them. His jobs have always been a constant area of stress in our life and marriage. For the first time, that is not the case!
*We live so close to many vacation destinations! Since living here we've traveled to Gatlinburg, Hilton Head Island, and Orlando... each trip taking less than seven hours in the car. And Justin just booked our 10th anniversary getaway to Savannah... we are so excited to check out another close vacation destination.
*We are out of our comfort zone. Eww... this one is a love/hate. I kinda hate being out of my comfort zone and being stretched. But I also know that allows God to work. And I want to be grow and learn and apparently I'm not good at that when I'm comfortable. Love/hate.
*I saw a car at the YMCA today with an Iowa Hawkeye sticker on it! I love reminders of home when I'm so far away.
That's what I have for today... but at least it's something. I will choose to focus on these and I will try my hardest not to ponder things of the past today. After all, God promised to make a roadway in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new. Now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18,19
I have been so guilty lately of pondering things of the past. I am constantly thinking about what my life was like in Iowa City and comparing it to my life here. Life here just comes up short. And of course it does... we have only been here a year and community and friendships and feeling connected all take time. So comparing just isn't fair.
Today, God brought to mind some ways He has shown his loving kindness to us over the past year.
*My girls have been so healthy this past year. Not one time in the last 15 months have I taken either one of them to the doctor for illness. Not even once! That is SO unbelievable to me after how sick they both used to be all.the.time.
*We already know many of our neighbors. We have only lived in this house for four months but we've already gotten to know several families in this short time. We could have moved to any neighborhood, but in His great wisdom, God brought us here.. to a sweet neighborhood with lots of young friendly families.
*Justin loves his job. In our (almost) ten years of marriage, he has done so many different things and has never really loved any of them. His jobs have always been a constant area of stress in our life and marriage. For the first time, that is not the case!
*We live so close to many vacation destinations! Since living here we've traveled to Gatlinburg, Hilton Head Island, and Orlando... each trip taking less than seven hours in the car. And Justin just booked our 10th anniversary getaway to Savannah... we are so excited to check out another close vacation destination.
*We are out of our comfort zone. Eww... this one is a love/hate. I kinda hate being out of my comfort zone and being stretched. But I also know that allows God to work. And I want to be grow and learn and apparently I'm not good at that when I'm comfortable. Love/hate.
*I saw a car at the YMCA today with an Iowa Hawkeye sticker on it! I love reminders of home when I'm so far away.
That's what I have for today... but at least it's something. I will choose to focus on these and I will try my hardest not to ponder things of the past today. After all, God promised to make a roadway in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Mama's Weekend
I just spent the most relaxing and refreshing weekend being pampered, relaxing, and catching up with some amazing women. Leigh Ann, Missy, Amy, and I grew up going to youth group together (Amy and I have been friends since PRESCHOOL!). These are some of the friendships I cherish most in my life. Although we haven't lived in the same state since we were 18, these are the types of friendships that pick up right where they left off. Being known is such an amazing gift and this weekend did my soul good. I learned a lot about generosity this weekend, as one of the girls paid for this trip for all of us. Seriously, what an amazing lesson in generosity! It was so humbling to be gifted in this way. It was relaxing, it was fun, and we had great, challenging and encouraging conversations... just perfect!
Yes, that's right! A stretch limo picked us up at the airport and took us to our hotel!
Beautiful view from our room! It was crazy cold for Arizona in March, but it didn't even matter!
We did this awesome 'favorite things' gift exchange. We set a dollar amount and bought each person one of our favorite things. It was so fun to pick out gifts for each other and learn what each other's favorite things are.
Despite the fact that there were so many wonderful things about this weekend (a break from our normal daily lives as moms, being pampered, eating good food, drinking coffee & wine uninterrupted, etc..), I think my most favorite part of this weekend was hearing about all the ways God is challenging us and teaching us these days. These women and I share some amazing experiences of learning about our faith and spirituality in high school, but it was SO incredibly encouraging to hear about each person's journey since then. The coolest part was hearing that God is challenging us all in similar ways. From the minute we all sat down together, the conversations about following Jesus started. It was so encouraging and refreshing. I couldn't hold back the tears the last night over the bonfire about how lucky we are to have friends with so much history who are being challenged in the same ways - even though we live in Illinois, Georgia, Missouri, and Colorado. We are all over the place geographically but so close spiritually. What a GIFT!!
So incredibly thankful for these 48 hours to refresh. I came home with a renewed passion for loving my husband, mothering my children, and following Jesus. Thank you, Leigh, for being so generous!!!
Yes, that's right! A stretch limo picked us up at the airport and took us to our hotel!
Beautiful view from our room! It was crazy cold for Arizona in March, but it didn't even matter!
We did this awesome 'favorite things' gift exchange. We set a dollar amount and bought each person one of our favorite things. It was so fun to pick out gifts for each other and learn what each other's favorite things are.
We ate some seriously good food!
Morning at the spa! Massages, steam room, hot tub, sauna.... it.was.amazing.
Amy, me, Leigh Ann, and Missy. Love these women!
Me & Amy... she's my oldest friend!
Despite the fact that there were so many wonderful things about this weekend (a break from our normal daily lives as moms, being pampered, eating good food, drinking coffee & wine uninterrupted, etc..), I think my most favorite part of this weekend was hearing about all the ways God is challenging us and teaching us these days. These women and I share some amazing experiences of learning about our faith and spirituality in high school, but it was SO incredibly encouraging to hear about each person's journey since then. The coolest part was hearing that God is challenging us all in similar ways. From the minute we all sat down together, the conversations about following Jesus started. It was so encouraging and refreshing. I couldn't hold back the tears the last night over the bonfire about how lucky we are to have friends with so much history who are being challenged in the same ways - even though we live in Illinois, Georgia, Missouri, and Colorado. We are all over the place geographically but so close spiritually. What a GIFT!!
So incredibly thankful for these 48 hours to refresh. I came home with a renewed passion for loving my husband, mothering my children, and following Jesus. Thank you, Leigh, for being so generous!!!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Faint Not
Heavy. Weighty. Those are the words that come to mind lately. My heart has been heavy for all the brokenness and injustice in the world around me. As Justin and I have been digging deeper into the word of God, asking what it truly means to follow Jesus, and taking Perspectives, our eyes have been opened more to what's really going on. Not what we see as Americans in our comfortable, warm, and safe homes, but to what is going on in the rest of the world. And a lot of it isn't pretty. And isn't fair. And I'm left with this feeling of 'okay-God-what-now?' The time is now and the kingdom is here. And we need to act. That's what following Jesus really looks like. It looks like action. Doing something. Loving your neighbors. Serving them. Meeting needs. Fighting injustice. Adopting children. Fostering them. But, to be honest, it all feels so incredibly overwhelming. We heard a speaker from International Justice Mission a few weeks ago and I cried the whole way home. The stories he told wrecked me. I know that God wants me to do something so I've been asking him lately what that is. I want to receive whatever He has for me. I'm praying that I will be open and alert so I'll recognize what it is He's asking me to do. I shared with the girls in my small group last week that I'm just afraid that the feelings of anger and disgust over the injustice in the world will eventually just die and I'll never do anything about it. I don't want that! I want to act! But I am overwhelmed.
I heard this song yesterday and was so thankful that someone else could so eloquently put my jumbled thoughts into words. THIS is how I've been feeling...
O my soul, faint not, no, faint not
O my soul, faint not, no, faint not
I heard this song yesterday and was so thankful that someone else could so eloquently put my jumbled thoughts into words. THIS is how I've been feeling...
Faint Not - Jenny & Tyler - Faint Not - Copyright 2010
The problem’s not a gun, not a color, not a hundred dollar bill
We think the struggle can be won with simple thoughts like 'come together be good willed'
The gap between the rich and poor is spreading out all the more or so they say
We ignore the claims
O my soul, faint not, no, faint not
We think the struggle can be won with simple thoughts like 'come together be good willed'
The gap between the rich and poor is spreading out all the more or so they say
We ignore the claims
O my soul, faint not, no, faint not
O my soul, keep up, up
In love
It’s not that we don’t know or we’re not shown the proof of poverty
It’s not that we don’t have the tools to go to break this yoke of slavery
We quit because it’s not an easy fix and then forget that they are even there
We forget to care
In love
It’s not that we don’t know or we’re not shown the proof of poverty
It’s not that we don’t have the tools to go to break this yoke of slavery
We quit because it’s not an easy fix and then forget that they are even there
We forget to care
O my soul, faint not, no, faint not
O my soul, keep up, up
In love
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, let me pardon
Where there is darkness, let the Light come, come
O my soul, faint not, no, faint not
In love
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, let me pardon
Where there is darkness, let the Light come, come
O my soul, faint not, no, faint not
O my soul, keep up, up
In love
In love
O my soul, faint not, no, faint not
O my soul, keep up, up
In love
Faint not
Faint not
In love
Faint not
Faint not
Would you pray with me that we all are brave enough to take the next step and that we wouldn't forget about the rest of the world who needs Jesus because we are so caught up in ourselves?
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