Lessons amidst the sickness

I am happy to report that my little EmmyLou is back to her happy, healthy, smiley self!  All of her infections are gone (ears and pneumonia) and she's doing great!!  Praise God!

But... if it's not one, it's the other, right?  Isn't that how life with more than one child goes?  Claire had been sick (most likely with RSV) around the same time Emma was, then got those ear infections, got the tubes put in and for about a day or two last week, seemed to be doing much better.  On Sunday or Monday (I forget), she started coughing and her nose started to run a little.  It didn't seem too bad but then she kept telling me, "Mommy, there's somethin' in my ears."  At first I thought she was saying that because we told her that the doctor put tubes in her ears.  But then I took a closer look and both ears were oozy and gunky!  I had to take Emma in for an ear re-check yesterday so I had the doctor look at Claire's ears.  Double ear infection!!!  Good news is the tubes are doing their job and instead of all that fluid getting stuck in her ears, it was draining out.  So that means no pain for her!  We just have to do ear drops twice a day and hopefully it'll be gone before long.

All seemed to be fine but then we had a very scary situation last night.  Claire woke up coughing around 3 am.  She does this allll the time... coughing so hard she gags or throws up.  Totally normal for her because of her viral-induced asthma.  I went in her room to make sure she was okay and found her covered in blood.  It was all over her sheets, her pajamas, and her face.  I screamed for Justin and he came running in.  She continued to cough up blood.  It was so scary to watch!  I immediately had the pediatrician paged.  After determining that she was breathing okay, she said to bring her in first thing in the morning.  We cleaned Claire up, changed her sheets, gave her some water, and put her back to bed.  Justin and I were amazed that we made it through that because we both get lightheaded and have a history of fainting around blood... not a good combo!!! 

Anyway, I took her in this morning and the doctor ordered a chest xray and blood count test.  Everything came back looking just fine so the doctor thinks that Claire somehow got a bloody nose and it drained down the back of her throat which caused her to start coughing it up.  I am so so so thankful that it wasn't anything more serious.  The sight of my little 2-year-old daughter coughing up blood had me feeling very fearful.  Tonight we are hoping for a less eventful night! 

As we continue to struggle with the health of our children, I feel more and more like God wants to remind me of two things --
1. I am not now and never will be in control.  These sweet girls are HIS children, whom He loves more than I ever could.  As a mother, that's a mind-blowing, overwhelming thought... He loves them even more than I do... waaay more!  I feel so helpless and powerless when my girls are sick and the reality of it is - I am powerless!  God is all knowing and all powerful.  I have to rely on HIM and not myself.  The story of my girls' lives is already written.  Nothing is a surprise to Him.  I'm thankful for that.

2. We live in a sinful, fallen world full of heart break, disappointment, sickness, disease, and death.  This isn't how God designed it but is a result of our sin.  I find myself often times feeling like a victim but the reality is that nothing is owed to me.  I am a sinner, deserving of death, but my God saved me!!  He's already given me more than I deserve.  That's it!!  Health is not a guarantee.  I am thankful for each day of health He has given to us.

I want, more than anything, for my eyes to be opened to what God is trying to teach me... what He is trying to get through my stubborn head and heart.  I know He wants me to learn and He has lessons for me in the midst of these struggles.  I pray that my sinfulness wouldn't get in the way of me learning these things.